Raghava's Blog

Experiential And Experimental Learnings

bangalore

Being Happy

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During last 9 months often people asked me this question “how is your new job? Are you happy in your new job?”…I don’t have a perfect answer for any of the questions, I took a conscious decision of switching my job for a lot of reasons & traded some good & bad things in return…I am in Hyderabad living with my parents & each day I see them in peace…they are not worried about me & they are happy to see me around. They pamper me to core & get everything done to keep me smiling.

The job offer was irresistible I am making the money I want, I purchased a house & people respect me for what I am in the society…the three goals of my life were full filled. I don’t want to complain much because how much ever I go forward there is that empty feeling in my head & I am being very conscious about it for a while.

I miss running, my friends in Bangalore, my trekking & social metes …but I understood about these while taking the job offer & I traded off for other opportunities that are coming my way…my life in Bangalore is simple & much more happier…it’s a different life & I don’t want to compare , I believe moving on & trying to change my life in what ever possible way so that I remain “Raghava”…I want to be unique in my own eyes & it took me a lot of time to understand this.

A moment of euphoria

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with all the rain outside it is terribly cold in the house and with my little fever, throat infection I am feeling more gloomy…morning when my dad and Asha gave a call I sounded terrible due to weakness and then I pulled some strength from some where and got my self ready. I logged in for the work, fetched some light lunch and trying to make my day a cheerful one.
The rain doesn’t seem to stop and I felt like drinking a cup of coffee, the challenging part will be going to the coffee shop which is half a kilometer away. I decided to make coffee at home and I ventured out into the rain covering my head with a cap and wearing a jacket, I was able to get some milk and coffee powder in a near by store which is 200mters away from my house and I came home quickly as downpour of rain is becoming much heavier minute by minute. While I was returning home I lost my way and someone on the road helped me out.

Challenging part will be to make the coffee, I lost touch with cooking and I never tried in last 6months. After losing vision in my right eye I can’t use the benefit of little eye sight which helped me more than once, so I got to the work with the art of touch. I was able to identify the vessel I require, found the match box AND got started…Every thing fell into the place perfectly until I found problem placing the vessel exactly on the fire and I used a spoon to find the positioning of the vessel and rectified. Through the help of sound I was able to know that milk has reached its boiling point and I put enough into a glass to prepare my coffee. I added coffee powder and honey as there is no sugar in house.

Finally coffee is ready and when I tasted it I felt a moment of joy and euphoria running in my blood. I know this is a small task but to do all this process I took nearly 30minutes and each minute I have to give my full attention at each level of preparation. as write this post taste of coffee still lingers in my mouth….

On My Way To The Breakfast

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Getting back to Bangalore after a month and getting back to routine is little tough task. I got little lost with directions, landmarks and other small things like lost touch using the cane effectively. Today morning while I was on my way to fetch the breakfast a young man on bike stopped beside me and asked are you going to Manas? I said yes, he said sit; I will drop you at Manas. I keep meeting people like this who keep me seeing day in and out, so I took the offer. I asked for his name and when he replied I had a strange feeling that he is not in a good mood or he is not a social person.
During that 2minute ride I asked what do you do and he replied I work as system analyst in a small company that has only 20,000 employees. That was very sarcastic and not the answer I was expecting. Our conversation ended and I wished him a good day, but he is still on my mind now.

Does he think I don’t work or not intellectual enough? I was able to feel the pride and force when he answered my questions…is he like this always or is he like this only with me…some people don’t know how to deal with persons with disability so they tend to keep a tight lip, but this guy is different my instinct told he is trying to show off…may be I am wrong but he kept me thinking for a while now.

Good Bye to Bangalore & a warm Hello to Hyderabad

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After almost 6yrs of my journey in Bangalore now I am returning home, it’s a strange feeling when one part of your mind say’s it’s time to move and another part of mind say’s no no wait I got more to show…it’s a tough decision like many other’s in my life and I think like always I made the best choice. It was an internal struggle with in my self and I am thankful that every thing is turning up well.

I am leaving Bangalore for a lot of reasons, it has been 6yrs that I left home and I learned a lot during my stay in Bangalore, the city and people here taught me a lot, in fact I took a rebirth by creating the identity Raghava. I came here to make a career and live a independent life because that was the most worrying part, finding a job was not a easy task, after attending more than 42 interviews I finally got one which I liked and later I moved to a new role which I love. Living alone and managing my daily routine was not an easy task, I struggled, screamed, cried and cursed on the amount of hard work that I needed to put to get things done. Some times the hardwork is paid off in some sort of reward and sometimes it doesn’t, I am becoming blind that is not a easy transformation to go through….when ever my eye sight dimmed little I need to learn and relearn each aspect of my life, I don’t like it but to move forward I never gave up, yes it took time for me to cope with all these things never the less I came back with more will power and strength to fight.

This time I made a choice to move back to Hyderabad because I felt I need some rest from all this mental stress and need some space to think on my future plans’ am moving for my family and to get some ayurvedic treatment done at Hyderabad so as to sustain the little eye sight I got in my left eye. In Hyderabad I will have easy life and I am sure I will have more time to do other things that I wanted to do always…I don’t have to make plans to fetch break fast, lunch, dinner or make necessary arrangements for traveling, looking after the house hold needs etc…I will be in the protection of my mother, father, sister and Balto my dog, I miss them a lot and I was never able to express to them. It’s time to be with family and understand them because they are the one who suffer when something happens to me here…all their life is here and they constantly keep thinking about me all the time.

Bangalore has blessed me with so many friends who were there when I wanted them, who tried to fulfill my desires, dreams, who took care of me during the events who ran with me during my marathon trainings, who helped me to reach my destinations, who helped me trek etc…I love each one of you and will never forget any one of you…It is here where I tasted success, triumph over my disability and sense of pride with each achievement , every word of motivation and every bit of learning that I got from people and the city helped me go places where I never dreamt of. it is here I saw people dream and work hard towards their dreams which helped me to dream big and make that 101 bucket list…I hope each one of you will stay with me during my journey and will be there beside me when I wanted…

I am leaving Bangalore for few months as of now but need to return constantly to work with my team here. so I will be visiting Bangalore frequently and we always can catch up for a coffee or a snack…in this world of technology often people say we don’t miss each other and can keep in touch through phone calls, emails or facebook but remember there is always that personal touch we miss, that makes all the difference..

Vision Update the blinded right eye

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Some times life is a bitchy thing, when you don’t want something not to happen or when you least expect, out of the blue it hits hard on your face. From last few day’s the only thing on my mind is How to deal with this now…I got big plans and started working on my ideas and now this puts a halt to my wheels, my energy, my enthusiasm, my fire and everything that I am made off…My right eye got blinded few weeks back , I did not expect this to happen so quickly or at this moment of life….it may sound silly but the truth of knowing that I might be completely blind one day did not help to face the situation…Think accepting is a journey it self and I once again failed to accept or see the reality.

I quickly know what needs to be done; I left Bangalore and went to stay with my parents thinking it might help. Meeting friends and being with family helped to a certain extent but the frustration and loneliness in my mind pushed me to the edge that resulted in a angry out burst on my Mum, dad and sis…but what ever happened it helped me to deal with this sudden loss of my eye sight to a extent and move forward. In 2011 when I lost my eye sight to an extent I stayed back in Bangalore and that drove me into depression, but now staying in Hyderabad helped me to an extent. My life has become much tougher than what it was before and I do my daily routine by taking little more time than usual. I don’t know how to deal with this change because now I need to reengineer and relearn each aspect of my life again and sure it is going to take some time.

What I missed in Hyderabad was my running friends, colleagues and friends in Bangalore…every day I received at least a email, message on FB or a ping asking when I will come back and how are you doing…I thank each one of you for your love and care for me…I thank my mum, dad and sis who said constantly again and again that they are there for me….am sure with out their support I might not exist and a big warm love goes to Santhosh runner’s high, Dilshad, Anupama Harish, Asha Ashok, Chandra, Rashmy, Subhashini and all my running friends…Zareen and Aparna I always love your company and support you provide.

Life got me started on a new journey and I got new challenges to face. I wish to receive the same kind of support from each one of you to win over this world and realize my dreams.

Penetrating the Dark

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Can’t see, can Hack is the title of the article that got published on Bangalore mirror…I was at the Yahoo Open Hack India on Saturday 11th Aug and was just wondering what application to hack when a friend walked to me and said that a guy from Bangalore mirror would like to speak to me. It was a great conversation with Kalyan Subramani and the article just came out very well.

When the article hit in print on Sunday I got calls from friends, colleagues and when my friend Dhempe posted on to facebook there was a huge flood of friend requests to connect with me and likes for the article. All this is good, the glory and wonderful comments, but one thing which made me happy is I got couple of calls from different people that their son/daughter is visually challenged and reading the article gave them hope that they will be part of the society one day. They wanted to understand how I designed my life, what did I study and how I am trying to move in my career etc.

These are some of the major problems which we need to fight in the world of disability, but one finds a way around by moving a head and is sure help comes along. It took a lot of hard work,, determination, support from family and friends, luck etc to reach where ever I am today and all this took time, a lot of energy and most of the important thing is patience. With a little help anyone can do wonders but the most important thing is finding that help and support.

Any comments let’s discuss