The bucket-list is dead…. Am not pursuing it anymore & I will replace with something is more doable & realistic… a lot of things on that list need great health & an able body…. I got none at this moment… it even pains me to just open & read the list! I avoid even opening the blog.
Before I shut down the list I thought I will put one last effort on this one “Hosting an amazing event.”… Am working on something & I will announce it in few days…
No , your bucket list can’t be dead. That wasn’t an option !
I went and counted each and every doable task and you can still pursue 50-60 of those 80 tasks – I omitted all the physically arduous tasks because I can’t do them either due to my health condition. Some of them are already completed – marathon , film – two feet to fly , appearing in newspapers / full pages , getting awards and prizes etc .
I won’t ask you not to be sad because my heart breaks 100 times some days to realise that I can’t lift something , bend few fingers like I used to , feeling of helplessness creeping in when I feel that I lost a part of myself which I won’t have ever again . It’s ok to be sad , feel sorry for yourself but we got to move on – I have seen so many people wallowing in self pity and I don’t ever want to live a life thinking what it would have been if I didn’t get this autoimmune disease . Instead I want to count my blessings and seek things I can do .
Feel bad , sad but come out of this pain please. You deserve much more.
We can do a lot of these activities together – Europe is much more accessible and you don’t have to rule out scuba diving or visit museums because you can’t swim or see . I will be your eyes like we always decided and I can’t wait to take you to all those awesome cafes and corners I explored . I won’t lose out hope that we’d get through all this and have a kickass time soon .
And don’t strike that 101 booze thing – pinning all my hopes on getting super drunk when I am in my 60’s with not a care in the world .
Grant me this wish .
So much love and loads of hugs ,
Yours always ,
I ditched the bucket list because I planned a lot of things in life… somehow I feel if I plan anything it is kind of jinxed… with all the kidney issues life has turned a circle & I decided to take & do things as they come… now my larger purpose in life is to fight for the rights of people with disability to get an organ faster than what it is taking now…
As you know I got lot of plans but am not going to voice out them… somehow I feel everything I loved has been ripped away from me… it can be dreams, materialist things or people.. Just cannot take any more of this shit… when we don’t have plans & expectations the pain is less…
I know that mom, dad, you & Arun will be with me through out the journey.