The Loss

Everyone talks about their gains in life but no one talks about their losses…. When I was sharing about my chronic illness to a friend she asked me “Raghava what did you lose? Can we talk about it & see how all this affects your life going forward?” I spoke to her in length & told her what all things were going in my life & how everything changed in a span of few minutes.

Here are few of those things,

1. My career at Deque was spiraling at an upward trend& I was hoping to get a promotion.
2. My plans to immigrate to a new country came to a halt.
3. I have to cancel 17 speaking engagements in 4 countries.
4. The travel to Europe has to be canceled.
5. I asked the girl I was dating to move on & find someone else.
6. Got offered a job in 2 fortune 500 companies & have to pass them on.

While a lot of things changed these are some of the things that were important to me… you just can’t leave everything in your life & get stuck at a point but this is precisely I was asked to do to live longer…. I was put on dialysis & then the eventually a kidney transplant is planned… my dad said health is more important & to fight this illness you need to have a strong will & a desire.

The diagnosis of a chronic illness changes everything your mental state & physical wellbeing… my finances are also hit a big time during this time… I stopped doing consulting & working part-time where I make a half salary… I am working to keep my self-engaged & I am thankful to the Deque who is providing a flexible work schedule…

When I was speaking to my friend about all the things I have to lose because of the illness she asked me “Raghava how do you feel?” the answer was there ready… no feeling, I did not cry, I did not break, I did not worry about the future…I know that another challenge is thrown at me & I need to fight it out…

I said “life is thinking it is going to fuck me but it doesn’t know with who it is dealing with… I am going to fuck it hard”