Do not have expectations! this is what I heard all my life from a lot of people. You should not have expectations from the other person irrespective of relationship. How is this possible, we water a plant & check each day of its progress, we invest & see if it is giving us returns & relationships are the same. We invest our emotional energy & time believing that there is someone out there you can rely on when the time is not your side.
We are told that we need to find great friends, friends who can be when we are facing challenges in our life. The question stopped me in my track when I was asked if I have a best friend… best friends the word itself seem alien to me, I made a lot of friends & acquaintances during last 20years but are part of the time. I was part of the time in that place & with those people, so they became part of me & when I move to a new place the physical distance change the dynamics of every relationship.
I hardly hear from people; my phone is very silent most of the time. Being a data guy, I did a noticeably short analysis & found that it is me who is trying to keep a lot of these friendships alive. they moved on; they have their own life &priorities. Was I stuck in time with them is the question I asked myself in last few months?
I needed something emotionally & I hung towards some of these relations. We all change as my friend Bhavana say’s “you cannot put people in a box. Because we all change very often, we fit in many boxes & a lots of us might not know we have other personalities & life around some of them.”
From last few months I have been thinking about the subject of how much to give & where to stop.
While I have not found the answer for how much to give, I figured the answer for where to stop& when. The simple hack I deployed is to clearly communicate what I needed from the other person. It is not me always who call or make the dinner or meeting plans. If I, do it once I communicate to other person to do next time.
Why be the giver all the time when you can clearly set boundaries, communicate& become the taker?
Life becomes simpler if you can voice your inner thoughts & feelings.
Corinne Rodrigues says
You are good at keeping in touch, despite all your health issues, Raghav. Thank you for that.
I find myself withdrawing more into myself too these days and not wanting to be the giver so much. I guess, we’ll go back to being how we used to be in time, it’s hard not to.