It is very difficult to ignore the messages sent by the intuitive side of the brain, especially when that intuition keeps constantly whispering that I need to prepare because I might die. It says that I should write those goodbye letters, finish those last conversations, mend those broken relationships, and get my affairs in order. When you are blind, you have no visual aspect to concentrate on and distract your mind. Instead, you get pulled into the endless whispers of conscious and subconscious thoughts.
I’m not sure if I’m truly dying, but the progress of my health has not been promising in the last few months. From the second rejection of the transplanted kidney to undergoing a lot of immune therapy to buy me more time and delay the process of dialysis for as long as possible, it’s been a challenging journey. My doctors believe that another transplant is not the immediate concern, but rather focusing on my life and moving forward. The future is changing rapidly, and there might be advanced treatments available to handle my condition.
I am not afraid of death. I have had a near-death experience and briefly witnessed another beautiful world beyond this one. What keeps me awake at night is whether I should ignore the messages I am receiving from my intuitive mind.
For now, there are many questions and no answers. Time is what ultimately answers most of the questions in life, and I hope that time is on my side.