Relearning is one of the toughest things which I find to adapt because for years together we follow a path, idea & a process in our life. If suddenly we are forced to change that process it will be a difficult time for any one & currently I am in that phase of life where I am juggling with the old & the new. Some of my friends even made statements like it will be easy for you to adapt because you already know that some day you will face this day, that is true but did I know that it will be today or it will be tomorrow. I don’t expect to get up in the morning & find my self totally blinded & no one does. Yes I need to accept the truth & move on, but before it let me put this statement there is a war going on, Country A & B are well prepared for the war but still when the war hits both countries they suffer in spite of their well done preparations. Life is also the same I am prepared for the worse but when my deterioration hit me it hit me, it doesn’t matter if I know that I will be blind or not, the only thing matters to me is how will I have to move on from now. Do I know that I will arrive at this kind of situation in life, the truth is no. I never thought I will have to face these day’s of stress & confusion. I was worried, scared, stressed with wild thoughts, confused, angry with myself parents & god etc & yet I have the hope I will be able to manage it, but how was the question.
Yes I was slowly pulled into depression, not fully but partially. My friends & colleague’s observed that my usual cheerful mood & my smile were missing for a long time. One fine day one of my cab mate said “Raghava if you don’t mine shall I say something? I said yes & she responded like this, I travelled in the same cab with you couple of times & what I observed that your usual cheerful smile is missing & you look like a cold hearted person without it. I was stuck & immediately understood that unconsciously I my worry on the deterioration is pulling me into depression. I wanted to get rid of this situation & I understood this is happening because I wanted to experience my dreams & if I lose my vision I will be forced to give up on couple of them. I always wanted to go on a travel, see the world, and understand the history, culture & customs etc but now I might not be able to see the world was my worry.
They were tough times & if any thing helped me to come out of it is hope, faith & constant observations of my self. I wanted to get out of it & until I made the effort everything looks gloomy, so I decided to go on trekking, spend a lot of time with friends, went out for movies, parties & I even got close to a cousin brother whom I never got in touch during my stay in Bangalore. It made all the difference in the world being with people & I understood how much these relationships matter. I don’t say don’t get depressed or worry please go a head experience the feeling during the tough times of life & try to learn from those experiences, because nothing goes wrong without our notice & if we do a small change doing some analysis we can get things right before it is too late. In my case the mistake is to spend very little time with friends & time for myself. Ran behind my goals & ambitions like a mad man where I hurt my health & mental ability.