There was someone who hurt me deeply with her actions sometime during 2021, leading to immense emotional and physical pain. I eventually decided to remove this person from my life completely. That meant deleting all WhatsApp chats, phone numbers, emails, and social media connections. Initially, she made a few attempts to contact me, but I made sure not to respond to her calls or messages.
During my recent visits to Bangalore, she tried to reach out again, as we happened to attend the same events. I did not entertain the idea of meeting her. The only reason for my coldness is that her actions caused severe physical and mental health issues. A core part of me died that evening—the ability to trust and help people.
After my last visit to Bangalore in November, where I once again avoided meeting her, she sent me this note:
Hello Raghavendra, good afternoon.
It was nice listening you yesterday from stage.
I have been trying to talk to you so many times, tried calling you, texted you, dropped you voice note and even tried meeting whenever you were in Bangalore, be it Accessibility Symposium or yesterday.
It seems you have made up your mind that you will not respond.
Well thats fine, and completely your decision.
Just wanted to say that you are a matured man and I always kept wondering why did you mixed professional decision with personal friendship. My decision of choosing Pega that time was a professional decision and was very important for me, but I always respected you as senior, as mentor and as friend and I do till date as well.
I wanted you to show me your anger or yell out if you are upset on me, but such avoidance is really hurting.
this message is nothing but just one more attempt, but I promise from now you will never get any message or text from me. Enough I guess.
All the best Raghavendra, and hope you recover soon and keep blessing the community in large.
My initial reaction was not to respond, but after seeking advice from friends and my sister, I reconsidered. My sister, after hearing the whole story, encouraged me to send a message as it would provide closure for both of us. So, I wrote this note to her:
Hello xxx,
I’ve taken some time to process your message, and I feel it’s important to be honest about why I’ve kept my distance.
The events surrounding your decisions and actions, even if unintentional, had a profound impact on my life. They caused significant emotional distress, which deeply affected my physical health during an already challenging time. As you know, health is not just physical—it’s also emotional—and this experience left me struggling on both fronts.
In professional settings, reputation is something we carry with us—it precedes us, shapes how others perceive us, and often defines the opportunities we’re given. The ripple effects of what happened extended beyond my personal struggles and hurt my professional standing. It’s not just about career growth; it’s about the respect and credibility that I spent years building, which were damaged as a result.
While I understand your choices were made with your own priorities in mind, the pain and challenges I endured have been life-changing for me. To protect my health and regain my footing, I’ve had to create space and focus on my recovery.
I appreciate your kind words about my work. However, for my own well-being, it’s essential to continue upholding these boundaries.
I wish you all the best in your journey.
Take care,
Raghavendra
When someone takes you for a ride, the feeling is horrible. This person took so much from me, and I’m not even sure if she realizes how her actions altered my life. I’ve decided to leave it to the universe. As my sister said, closure is necessary for both parties, and I believe sending that message brought me a bit of peace but no closure.
Leave a Reply