Sometimes, it’s the silence that feels more unbearable than the loneliness of life. I sit here in the dark, contemplating my life choices at 2 AM. I hear nothing — not even a dog barking or the sound of passing vehicles — and the silence in my room makes the voices in my head grow louder with each passing minute. My soul craves the company of another being — someone to talk to about anything, something, just enough to make my mind feel a little lighter. My fingers scroll through the contact list, wondering who might be awake at this ungodly hour, who might have the emotional energy to lend to a grown man.
I fill the silence with work — and more work — every single day. But in those profound moments at night, when sleep treats me like an enemy and stays away, the feeling of being left alone creeps in. The endless YouTube series, shorts, social media, even the excitement of AI research — all of it has fizzled out in the past few months. I keep wondering what truly brings me joy, what the purpose of this life really is.
It feels as though I’m merely existing — moving from one thing to the next — with no real sense of satisfaction. The only moments that bring a hint of comfort are when I sip a glass of cold orange juice or eat a plate of Mexican rice. Even food, once a pleasure, now feels distant. At times, it feels like my body and soul are drifting apart. The desires of my youth have become obsolete, and I’m left wondering if what I do each day is truly what my heart desires — or just another act of going through the motions.
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